Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Randomize