my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
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i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
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Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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