Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
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Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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