I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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