Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize