I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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