Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
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smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
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I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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