Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize