In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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