Only a mothe r could love this liver
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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