He uses pillows to masturbate.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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