He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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