well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
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