Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
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I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
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