So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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