I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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