You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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