Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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