i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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