can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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