Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize