Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize