Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize