becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
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I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
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I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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