My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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