I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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