Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
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He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
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My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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