I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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