she looked like the before picture.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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