you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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