I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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