I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
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