Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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