I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
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and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
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My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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