I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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