No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
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She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
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Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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