the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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