can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize