jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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