It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
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He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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