I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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