How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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