I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
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Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
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I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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