Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
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Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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