hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
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You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
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I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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