Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just took my morning after pill in the library
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
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I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
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Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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