i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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