I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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