I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize