It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
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you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
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Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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